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New Star Wars Thread *SPOILERS*

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  • Jobe_Wan_KenobiJobe_Wan_Kenobi Posts: 19,440 moneytalker
  • ...... Posts: 31,548 master of ceremonies
    That trailer had spoilers out the ass
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  • Jobe_Wan_KenobiJobe_Wan_Kenobi Posts: 19,440 moneytalker
    Hard to say. I wouldn't be surprised if they are playing a big game of misdirection. Try turns out to be an evil bitch and Ren turns out the nice guy. Inb4 MC "best movie ever"
    Pass the god damn butter.
  • Jobe_Wan_KenobiJobe_Wan_Kenobi Posts: 19,440 moneytalker
    After years of living a quiet, ideal bachelor life, Jedi Master Luke has his life go to shit when the girl showed up. After years of living alone, he fell in love and busted a Jedi nut, leaving Rey with child. Because the Jedi health care is so terrible, she leaves him for Kylo, to get on the First Order Health insurance plan. She tricks Kylo into thinking the baby is his. Luke lives out the rest of his life playing on Chewbacca's kids computer from the Christmas Special. Kylo puts in extra hours at The Deathstar to support the family. Rey gets bored and starts having an affair with Finn, because she is a girl. Kylo finds out about the cuck baby and kills himself. Rey tries to move in with Finn, but he wants none of it. She then hooks up with Snoke for that sugar daddy cash. The end.

    #MCWritesStarWars 
    Pass the god damn butter.
  • ...... Posts: 31,548 master of ceremonies
    edited October 2017
    I think Snoke is Darth Nihilus. I think Rey is completely unrelated to the Skywalker/Kenobi bloodline, which is why Luke takes such fascination to her (although she may be Solo descent(Kylo's sister?). All other Jedi were supposedly extinct. Luke will deal with the battle between good and evil, and will either be killed saving everyone, or kill someone critically important. The film will end with Kylo suicide bombing the head fleet, which will kill Leia and at least one other important character (rule of thumb for SW, second film always ends grimly). 
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  • Jobe_Wan_KenobiJobe_Wan_Kenobi Posts: 19,440 moneytalker
    I think there has to be a lot of good food on that island. Pretty sure Luke is now the fattest Jedi ever. 

    Bombing the fleet makes sense. It kills Leia without needing a death scene for her.
    She had Jedi twins in the novels too. (I know that doesn't matter much anymore) Being Kylo's sister kind of makes sense, but not through just Han's side. He was never force sensitive. I hope they don't do a "we secretly stole your other baby at birth because you didn't know you were having twins" routine. 
    Pass the god damn butter.
  • ...... Posts: 31,548 master of ceremonies
    After all this thinking, and reading into a particular fan theory, I rewatched the trailer...and it clicked. Rey will turn to the dark side at the end of the film, I think. Snoke tells her "fulfill your destiny" when she likely disobeys Luke to seek out Snoke and take on the First Order. She says "I need someone to show me my place in all of this", as Kylo reaches out his hand. And we already know Kylo wants nothing more than Snoke's approval. I think in the 3rd film she may turn on Snoke, but I think she'll grapple with the dark side in the end of the second film. I think she'll fall under Snoke's manipulation and end up killing Luke. Luke tells her "I've seen this power before and it didn't frighten me then, but it does now", which I think is a reference to Kylo previously seeking out Luke to train him, in which he is found by Snoke after Luke refuses him. He likely refuses to teach Rey as he is terrified of what Snoke may use her for (referencing how Yoda refused to train Luke after what happened with Anakin)
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  • Jobe_Wan_KenobiJobe_Wan_Kenobi Posts: 19,440 moneytalker
    "I've seen this power before and it didn't frighten me then, but it does now" could be referring to Vader 

    https://youtu.be/TzmpXz5d2z0 
    Pass the god damn butter.
  • MetalCoresadesMetalCoresades Posts: 57,484 spicy boy
    I dont even care about the trailer. Its gonna end up being more fan fiction garbage. I'll watch it, but my expectations are supremely low.
    Do You Like Hurting Other People?
  • Jobe_Wan_KenobiJobe_Wan_Kenobi Posts: 19,440 moneytalker
    It's really gotta suck to not be able to enjoy things.

    Oh well. 
    Pass the god damn butter.
  • MetalCoresadesMetalCoresades Posts: 57,484 spicy boy
    I have certain standards for certain things. Disney has fucked StarWars into the ground. 
    Do You Like Hurting Other People?
  • SATANSATAN Posts: 25,794 spicy boy
    The only Star Wars movie I've like since RotJ is Rogue One. I hated the prequels and thought Force Awakens was boring af
  • ...... Posts: 31,548 master of ceremonies
    I fully realize that the Disney version of star wars probably wouldn't go this route. But it would actually be sick if they went the route of Darth Nihilus, an ancient and vampiric being from the Old Republic. That would actually tie in Order 66, making Palpatine out to be his pawn in the grand scheme of things. Palpatine actually went searching for Nihilus in the Aftermath novel. 
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  • Jobe_Wan_KenobiJobe_Wan_Kenobi Posts: 19,440 moneytalker
    edited October 2017
    Nah. Each movie is a cultural event. Fucking enjoy it. The cinematography is breathtaking. The music is epic. The story line is... The cinematography is breathtaking. Just roll with it and have some fun for once. They will do a mediocre job with things we love. It happens all the time. 

    Star wars movies sucked way before Disney got in board BTW. 3/6 
    The Christmas Special makes it 3 - 7. It's a generic story line that became iconic anyway.
    Post edited by Jobe_Wan_Kenobi on
    Pass the god damn butter.
  • Jobe_Wan_KenobiJobe_Wan_Kenobi Posts: 19,440 moneytalker
    To me TFA only counts as like half a movie lol.  

    It was half recap and half introduction to the new characters like "hey, remember us? Remember all these things? Well here we are now. These are the new guys. This guy doesn't want to do it anymore, so he is out. Hey, remember her? Remember him? Later bitches."

    But the pieces are set it place now. They have added some cool new characters, still have enough mystery to keep it interesting. Everybody is back up to speed, and we are ready to move FORWARD now. (enough fucking back stories, prequels and stand alone movies)
    Pass the god damn butter.
  • MetalCoresadesMetalCoresades Posts: 57,484 spicy boy
    Nah they fucked up StarWars fuck them. Id take the prequels any day. Rogue One was abysmal. I legit hate that movie. Force Awakens just didnt live up to the expectations
    Do You Like Hurting Other People?
  • ...... Posts: 31,548 master of ceremonies
    What exactly were you expecting? I didn't even care much for 7, but it was exactly what I expected. 
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  • Jobe_Wan_KenobiJobe_Wan_Kenobi Posts: 19,440 moneytalker
    Same here. It was pretty much what I expected, with less Luke. Next movie will have more Luke.  Only thing truly fucked up is we will never get a Luke, Leia, and Han reunion, but that's not on Disney entirely. They have had decades to make that happen, but it never did. Movie could have been made a decade ago etc. 
    Pass the god damn butter.
  • MetalCoresadesMetalCoresades Posts: 57,484 spicy boy
    I was hoping for an original story with cool new characters and good return of old characters. We got none of that. 
    Do You Like Hurting Other People?
  • MetalCoresadesMetalCoresades Posts: 57,484 spicy boy
    The writing was fucking terrible Tumblr fanfic bullshit too
    Do You Like Hurting Other People?
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